THURS. Sept 20th...JUSTIN HAS MOVED TO CFRC and visitation is not allowed during his processing (see LOCATION & INFORMATION for more details).
WED. Sept 19th...Gen and Jack were able to visit Justin and the following is Gen's account of their visit together:
Jack and I went to see Justin we had a very good visit. He was anxious to leave there and get on to the next place.
He had gotten his self some pencils and was able to write.. he was happy about that ,said he was keeping a journal of the time he was away. . He looked good and seemed to be doing alright.
Said the food was good but just not enough of it. However said that he got his goodies this morning. Talk like he ate all day every day.
He did say he was bored because there was nothing to do there. However like I said in the begining it was a good visit. I am very happy that we went when we did.
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TUES.Sept. 18th...Upon first seeing Justin, he appeared like he wasn't doing well and I mentioned it to him. He agreed that things were tough and that he is struggling and continued to cautiously talk about what was bothering him and his concerns.
It's difficult for him to speak openly because others are always listening and he doesn't want anyone to know his "real" business, i.e. how he's feeling and thinking. So I thought it might help him if I were to ask good questions so he could simply respond with a yes or no answer.
Justin said yesterday, Monday, had been a really hard day for him...and so I asked if he had had issues with any inmates and he said yes. I didn't ask what because I figured he either wouldn't answer or couldn't. He noted he had lost 5 pounds since his arrest, isn't getting his drugs on schedule and that he's not sleeping at night.
He seemed to be in a "down" state the entire time he was focusing and speaking about his situation. Once I thought he'd had enough time to talk it out (and I had all I could handle at the moment listening), I shifted our conversation by asking him if he wanted me to read him the note Momma Gen had sent him. He immediately perked up with a quick "yes"! He seemed to relish each and every word his grandmother had written to him. And as he listened, his mood began to improve.
I had also printed out two email notes from a friend of his and read them to him - for a second time. Even though I had read them to Justin over the phone a few days earlier, from what I'm learning I now understand that inmates read and reread their mail over and over for encouragement and to be reassured that someone cares. So I figured he might enjoy hearing them again...and he did indeed.
Next I told him all about our Blog site and showed him 5 printed pages of all the text and the set up with photo icons. Even though he couldn't read what I was showing him, he could "see" that there was something tangible being done about keeping us connected in order to support him. Justin said when he first heard about it, he wasn't too sure whether he liked the idea or not...but now he thinks it's really cool. I told him I would be printing out the family and friends pics from our blog site to share with him another time and he was thrilled.
Through the week various friends of mine made comments to be shared with Justin. One friend said to tell him to "...keep his nose clean and watch his back". Another simply said, "Tell him to be strong and I am hoping for the best for him." As I shared these short and simple messages with Justin, I sensed that each word of encouragement was truly appreciated by him.
At the close of our visit Justin asked me to tell everyone "thank you" for everything each of you are doing...writing, visits, messages, notes, help with his email and MySpace, etc., and to please, "tell everyone I love them".
This wasn't an easy visit. It's difficult to know what to talk about and my awareness of him not doing well made it tough. This is a scary time for all of us...how could it not be? I find that I must work hard to not allow myself to become consumed with fears about him...because they sneak into my mind all too often and serve no purpose but to destroy my well being.
On the Internet I continue searching for help and found a book on Amazon.com called, "Family Arrested: How to Survive the Incarceration of a Loved One" by Ann Edenfield. Maybe it might be a helpful resource for us.
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SUN. Sept. 16th...Justin called and spoke with Amanda. The following is her recollection of their conversation: Justin sounded in really good spirits, upbeat and not overly negative about his situation. He seemed to accept things as they are, although there are a few aggravations that he deals with. The food is better than he expected but they don't get much of it so he feels hungry most of the time. He's not too worried, though, because they get to order commissary and he ordered a bunch of junk food to have as snacks between meals. He's in a 32-man unit and shares a cell at night with one person, who Justin said was nice and that he gets along with. There's a TV in the unit that just shows network TV and Justin's biggest complaint was that most of the inmates sit around all day yelling at the TV like it's some sort of yelling contest and that, basically, no one ever shuts up. Just talking constantly. He was super excited that Mom and Dad had gone to visit him and was also happy that he called and I was at home so we could chat. I told him that a few of his friends had posted nice comments on his MySpace and that cheered him up a lot, too. He's making the most of still being in county and said some of the guys have shown him the ropes and told him what to explain and just sort of tutored him a little and he said it helped. He also ran into someone who knew a bunch of the same people that he knows and he said that was nice. He had no major complaints, is excited about getting his assignment so he can get into a routine and look into school and get letters and write letters and just have some sense of normalcy. I did not sense that anything big was bothering him or that he felt in danger or anything like that. All in all, positive, given the situation, and just taking it a day at a time.
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FRI.Sept. 14th...Scott visited with Justin and reported that he was doing good. Justin phoned me soon afterwards and he said how really glad he was to see his dad. He was especially excited to learn that his dad had received three letters for him (Justin has given some of his friends Scott's mailing address because he didn't have a facility address yet).
Justin stated that he has gotten a hold of an AA Big Book and is devouring it. He said he wishes he could "...freeze everything good I've learned over the past two years and, like TIVO, pause things so I can fast forward to three years from now. I just hope I can hold on to the positive and not loose what I've gained." I encouraged him to remember that every single day he's already served...is behind him and he'll never have to do those days ever again.
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WED.Sept. 12th...Justin appears to be holding his own. He said he hadn't called anyone because he is concerned that if anyone were to cry or be sad...he felt it may hinder him from remaining positive and he doesn't want to become depressed.
It was great to hear Justin's voice and I told him so. I kept the conversation going by asking him questions...what were his favorite movies, what magazines would he like to receive, etc.
I asked him if he had anything to tell me...his only comment was that "it sucks in here". It's difficult to know what to say in order to not become "preachy"...but instead remain supportive so I just let him know that I had heard him by repeating back, "Yeah, I bet it sucks in there...how could it not?"
Justin listened intently when I reminded him - again - that even though we're apart he is NOT alone because he will always have our love and support. I reflected back upon the fact that he has the skills to use his time (his mind) to positively effect his life and reminded him of all the excellent help he's had over the past two years...and how he will need to draw upon those lessons in order to take good care of himself. He seemed to agree.
Letters, books, photos, photos, photos, letters, books, photos....these are the things that Justin wants to receive once he is finally settled. He's is looking forward to getting through CFRC (Central Florida Reception Center) so he can be placed and then begin correspondence with all of us.
It appeared that Justin remained cautious about what he was saying in regards to other people being so close by and it helped me realize how difficult it must be to learn how to adjust and survive in that type of atmosphere. Therefore I told Justin that he would figure out whatever he needed to do to make it through the time he must serve.
Our time together was good.
